THIRD TIME LUCKY
While most expecting mums-to-be eagerly announces their pregnancies to family and friends, Cecil Lum kept hers under wraps up until the days she delivered Aeris Wong two years ago.
Only three people knew for sure that Cecil was pregnant, her husband and parents. There were no baby showers or jubilant shout outs on Facebook. She didn't tell a single soul at work.
Unlike other mums, Cecil didn't have a single blissful moment. "Instead of enjoying my pregnancy, I worried through it," she said.
But it was not an unwanted one. On the contrary, she had prayed hard for a child and was simply being cautious, after experiencing two painful pregnancies that left her bitter and drained.
After 12 years of marriage, Cecil, then 34, conceived for the first time. Back then, the happy mum-to-be had "shouted to the whole world" that she was going to be a mother.
By Week 20 of her pregnancy, however, everything changed when she learnt that her unborn baby had a severe form of spinal bifida, a birth defect involving the backbone and spinal canal. The diagnosis was bleak; The birth defect was a severe form and doctors said there was no hope for the baby to recover, even with extensive treatment and surgery.
Within a week, Cecil and her husband made the painful decision to terminate the pregnancy. She said: "When I felt her kick and move inside as though she knew about our decision, my heart felt like it was torn to pieces. Initially, we thought of carrying through the pregnancy. But when we thought of the quality of life our baby would have, we decided to let her go."
At 21 weeks, Cecil was induced to deliver a stillborn. Recounting the nightmarish experience, she remembers yelling, screaming and crying during the process.
"At some point during the labour, I screamed at the nurse, saying I can't do it. But she brought me back to reality by telling me that my baby was already gone," she said.
She remembers caressing her stillborn, who was "tiny but perfectly formed with little fingers and toes". The 18-hour labour, done without any pain relief, was a long and painful one without any rewards.
TRY AGAIN
Three months later, she conceived again - but lost her second baby at eight weeks when doctors could not find a heartbeat. By then, she says, the grief had numbered her emotions.
"I felt that the whole world was so unfair, and I lost all faith and hope. I didn't lie, didn't steal or tell lies. I've been a filial daughter. So why can't there be a good ending?" She says.
Even so, she refused to give up. She changed her lifestyle drastically by exercising, eating well and taking folic acid diligently. She also took traditional Chinese medicine. Half a year later, she conceived Aeris. The time round, she left the hospital with a healthy 2.97kg baby.
In spite of her traumatic experiences, Cecil says she's willing to go through "another round of madness" so that Aeris can have a sibling. "I'll probably be just as paranoid during my next pregnancy, but I love children too much to not want to try again," she said.
